On Samhain

This week, our primary school group chat came back to life, and a long-missed name struck me in an unexpected way. It was my best friend from primary school. Our paths had diverged after we went to different junior high schools, and our contact slowly faded. Yet, seeing her message instantly transported me back to the day she lost her father when we were about ten years old.

Viscerally, I relived that exact moment: sitting in my seat in the second row, staring at her back in the front row, tears welling up, not knowing what to do or say. A tightness in the chest, a weight in the heart, a catch in the throat - the body does remember. I cannot recall if I actually said anything to her, but I remember feeling her pain. That was likely my first lesson in death and compassion, and it sowed the seeds for my work with the dying and bereaved.

Just past was Samhain (or Halloween), a time believed to be when the veil between the living and the spirit world is thinnest. This time last year, I attended a Samhain celebration where people gathered in a circle for rituals and reflection. A middle-aged couple sitting opposite me caught my attention. I picked up on a heavy energy, and the body felt the same sensations on the day my childhood friend lost her father. Moments later, as they offered light to the spirits, they shared that they were dedicating it to their late child. No wonder.

I often wonder what happens after death (of the body), but I know I won't know until I know. I don't know whether there is an afterlife or not, but I know the law of karma to be true. Karma - or kamma - means action (fundamentally intention). It is a universal truth that skillful actions in body, speech, and mind lead to happiness, while unskillful actions lead to suffering. It is straightforward, yet incredibly complex. In this wonderful article on kamma, we can see the point of non-linear causation and free will. Our present experiences are a mix result of past actions and the choices being made right now. This means our current choices can mitigate or alter how past kamma ripens, leaving room for free will and spiritual liberation. Now is what matters. We can make skillful choices now. All it takes is mindfulness.

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