Death, Suffering, and the Illusion of Separation/Self

On this bone biting cold day, why on earth did we stand on the field after the session and talk about death, suffering and reality? Who started it? I am so glad you did! Yes, even in such extreme weather! And I want to put some thoughts down.

One of the hardest questions for people who don’t believe in an afterlife is how to come to terms with death. If there’s no rebirth, no continuation of the person as an individual, what’s left other than the sense of loss?

I said, perhaps we can learn from nature. In nature, nothing really disappears. Matter and energy are constantly recycled – look at that compost pile; forms arise, change, dissolve and transform. If you ever felt confused when you heard me say, “energy is not created, nor will it disappear,” it may start to make sense now I hope. What we call “death” is not an end to existence, but the end of a particular pattern or form.

So why does loss hurt so much?

Part of it may come from how we think about identity. We tend to experience ourselves and others as clearly bounded individuals: I am in this skin bag; this body is me; that body is you. When someone dies, it feels as though something entirely separate has been taken away from reality.

But this may be an illusion.

For physicist David Bohm, individuality is real at one level - the explicate order - but illusory at the deepest level of reality. What we perceive as distinct separate people or things are unfoldings of a deeper, interconnected whole – the implicate order. Now, separation may be a useful abstraction, but not a fundamental truth. Suffering comes from mistaking the abstraction for the truth.

Well, since both Bohm and I are influenced by Eastern philosophies, I have to quote/paraphrase the Buddha: that which we cling to as ‘I’ or ‘mine’ is subject to change; perceiving it as permanent and clinging to it cause suffering; seeing this clearly, suffering ceases. What we call the self is not a permanent entity but a dynamic process made of body, feelings and thoughts in an interconnected web. When we cling to the illusion of a permanent independent self, we are bound to suffer.

But the Buddha didn’t deny grief – he only denied the illusion of a permanent separate self. Grief is part of being human, and it doesn’t just come from love, but also from not recognising that every one of us is a wave of the deep sea of energy, of wholeness.

Whether we describe reality as an illusion, a projection, or simulation, the message behind is the same: the world is less solid and divided than it appears to be; we are not separate entities moving through an indifferent universe, but an intrinsic and transient feature within the ever changing wholeness.

And perhaps when we see more clearly, we start to learn to live, and die – with less suffering.